Two Months
I am 2 months into modern mommy-hood and what a change my child has brought to my life! Having her has opened my mind to so many new perspectives on the world.
One of which has been the state of motherhood in America. I am certain this is a topic that while seemingly "un-feminist" in nature is actually the thing at its core. We are women! How can we not speak with vigor in favor of all that benefits positive outcomes for moms, babies, and families of all types and kinds? There is no question. We simply must!
I have taught and nurtured the children of families from all backgrounds, races, creeds, classes, and religions. I always thought I was waiting to have a family; when I was really waiting to have courage. Its funny how much courage one can have once there is nothing left to lose. Or rather, once you realize you only have to lose the fear of living out the story of your life.
I put so much effort into living what I thought would make others appreciate me, love me, believe in me. I was wrong. I had to do those things for myself. Truly loving myself was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I had to raise myself before I could raise my child. And now that I have a husband and a child, I look and there are so many barriers to being successful at motherhood and family that the challenge seems overwhelming. Here are a few of the roadblocks I've experienced so far:
Road block #1: Student Loans
I was the good girl during the teen-mom crisis of the early 90's. I went to my honors classes, took the SAT's and ACT's and went off to college to acquire knowledge, degrees, and debt. I succeeded at all three. Even though a public servant and educator the loans were barely forgiven and now the payments take the place of what I could be paying for daycare. But we will get to daycare issues in a bit.
So how do I get the students loans to calm down or go away so that I can begin to save for my daughter's educational options?
Road Block #2: Leave without Pay
While leave at all is a new privilege for American mothers, it is indeed a necessity and a right. I'm not sorry about this opinion at all. Women who work outside the home are not doing so as a quaint notion or hobby. Women are more often than not the major breadwinner of the family and should receive not only a guarantee of their job upon return from maternity leave but also a year of
paid leave if not 6 months.
Children can happen at anytime in a healthy or unhealthy relationship, even no relationship. To women and men who are not poor, not rich, not at the bottom, not the working poor. But the working, striving middle. NO child and No mother should be required to separate upon just 6 to 8 weeks of knowing one another. Yes, we need time mother and child to get to know one another. I need to trust that my child knows me, and my baby needs to trust that I want to be around them. We need time to become joyful about our relationship with one another.
Trust is hard to come by for us all. Shouldn't we get a chance to develop it in the most sacred of relationships? The bond between mother and child is not as instant as we have been led to believe. It, too, takes time, dedication, and commitment. I am certain that it is different with every mother and it may be different with every pregnancy. Shouldn't all mothers have that opportunity to learn who their children are? After all, they are preparing someone to become a member of the village at large. Shouldn't every child have at least one caretaker with whom they can firmly trust and with whom they can be joyful in their most formative years?
Road Block #3: Daycare in the City
Many American cities are increasingly family friendly. They offer so many learning, artistic, and recreational activities that its hard for the educated middle class to say no. But when you're pocket book can't handle the pressure, one is forced to choose between being surrounded by the open minds and opportunities of urban life, or the open spaces and open housing options of suburban and rural communities.
That is to say how can one return to work and pay rent when daycare in the city is just as much or more than apartment rental. When gas prices make monthly fuel costs higher than your car note? When food and formula costs are increased due to a poor growing season and foul weather increases transportation costs?
People who provide a public service as their profession should receive similar benefits as those who work for the key industries in those cities. Teachers, police officers, firefighters should be able to afford housing within the communities they serve and choose to raise their families. Teachers who take care of the children of an urban community should be able to have safe and well trained childcare for their children. Its simple. If you want well qualified, well trained, and committed teaching professionals, enable them to worry a little less so that they can be more present while they are nurturing the future of the city. Hello
Seattle!! There is more going on in middle Seattle then making Big Bertha dig a tunnel!
I don’t always walk up to speed, the walks aren’t yet aerobic AT ALL. I’m still in recovery from my c-section. Sometimes I feel so frustrated I have to force myself to stroll. Other days all I can do is stroll and chat about random things with my baby girl. Babygirl always looks to her left and watches the world go by. Trees and clouds and birds and the wind with Momma talking, whispering and singing.