Breastfeeding Bliss...NOT!

I had hoped to be able to supply my baby with all sorts of good breastmilk. It just never happened. Friend after friend suggested I talk with the lactation specialist. I didn't. I tried my best from what what they taught be before I left the hospital and what I read online and just before I went back to work, it seemed like I would really make it happen.

But there was no time to pump at work and I think stress played a huge factor as it usually does for this blackMomma. And interestingly enough, just as with my pregnancy where I didn't see more than 3 pregnant black women the entire time; now, I realized I had not seen a Black Women Breastfeeding since I was a child.  And you know what?!  As was proven loud and clear in the hospital, I didn't want a white lactation specialist telling me anything. Which is why I watched the black women on the what to expect while expecting videos.

Anyway, let's hope things can be different for other's of you out there, and let's hope for more lactation specialist of color.

What I learned today...

If you are a Momma and you want to take a nap, just when you get the baby down and you get snuggly on the couch; the phone will ring. It will seem very, very, important...but it will really be a telemarketer. Don't ever pick up the phone in those moments. Let them leave a message. If the world is going to come to an end you are already in the right place; snuggly with your baby. Anything else can wait, DAMMIT!

WALKS WITH BABY

For so many years I’ve tried to get myself into the habit of walks after work.  I’ve long believed that having an activity between work and home is very important to leaving the stress of the job behind.  

I finally get to test that theory.  And, it has proven to be true.  

Some days I follow through and other days I don’t. But I have found that for me, even when I feel like the day has totally beaten me down, the walk wrings some of that stress out of my mind and my body.  

I don’t always walk up to speed, the walks aren’t yet aerobic AT ALL. I’m still in recovery from my c-section.  Sometimes I feel so frustrated I have to force myself to stroll. Other days all I can do is stroll and chat about random things with my baby girl. Babygirl always looks to her left and watches the world go by.  Trees and clouds and birds and the wind with Momma talking, whispering and singing.

Some days when I stroll I’m also trying not to cry. Sometimes I stroll and I can’t help but laugh. Some days I stroll and yearn for a lovely bassinet and to be dressed in pumps and a circle skirt. Other days my super hero yoga gear is just right. 

The point? The walk at any distance is just the thing for blackMomma and brownBaby.

(c)2013

Two MONTHS in and I have more questions than answers.

Two Months

I am 2 months into modern mommy-hood and what a change my child has brought to my life! Having her has opened my mind to so many new perspectives on the world.

One of which has been the state of motherhood in America. I am certain this is a topic that while seemingly "un-feminist" in nature is actually the thing at its core. We are women! How can we not speak with vigor in favor of all that benefits positive outcomes for moms, babies, and families of all types and kinds? There is no question. We simply must!

I have taught and nurtured the children of families from all backgrounds, races, creeds, classes, and religions. I always thought I was waiting to have a family; when I was really waiting to have courage.  Its funny how much courage one can have once there is nothing left to lose.  Or rather, once you realize you only have to lose the fear of living out the story of your life.

I put so much effort into living what I thought would make others appreciate me, love me, believe in me. I was wrong. I had to do those things for myself. Truly loving myself was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I had to raise myself before I could raise my child. And now that I have a husband and a child, I look and there are so many barriers to being successful at motherhood and family that the challenge seems overwhelming. Here are a few of the roadblocks I've experienced so far:

Road block #1: Student Loans
I was the good girl during the teen-mom crisis of the early 90's. I went to my honors classes, took the SAT's and ACT's and went off to college to acquire knowledge, degrees, and debt. I succeeded at all three. Even though a public servant and educator the loans were barely forgiven and now the payments take the place of what I could be paying for daycare.  But we will get to daycare issues in a bit.

So how do I get the students loans to calm down or go away so that I can begin to save for my daughter's educational options?

Road Block #2: Leave without Pay
While leave at all is a new privilege for American mothers, it is indeed a necessity and a right.  I'm not sorry about this opinion at all. Women who work outside the home are not doing so as a quaint notion or hobby.  Women are more often than not the major breadwinner of the family and should receive not only a guarantee of their job upon return from maternity leave but also a year of paid leave if not 6 months.
Children can happen at anytime in a healthy or unhealthy relationship, even no relationship. To women and men who are not poor, not rich, not at the bottom, not the working poor. But the working, striving middle.  NO child and No mother should be required to separate upon just 6 to 8 weeks of knowing one another.  Yes, we need time mother and child to get to know one another. I need to trust that my child knows me, and my baby needs to trust that I want to be around them.  We need time to become joyful about our relationship with one another.

Trust is hard to come by for us all.  Shouldn't we get a chance to develop it in the most sacred of relationships? The bond between mother and child is not as instant as we have been led to believe.  It, too, takes time, dedication, and commitment.  I am certain that it is different with every mother and it may be different with every pregnancy. Shouldn't all mothers have that opportunity to learn who their children are? After all, they are preparing someone to become a member of the village at large. Shouldn't every child have at least one caretaker with whom they can firmly trust and with whom they can be joyful in their most formative years?

Road Block #3: Daycare in the City

Many American cities are increasingly family friendly. They offer so many learning, artistic, and recreational activities that its hard for the educated middle class to say no.  But when you're pocket book can't handle the pressure, one is forced to choose between being surrounded by the open minds and opportunities of urban life, or the open spaces and open housing options of suburban and rural communities.

That is to say how can one return to work and pay rent when daycare in the city is just as much or more than apartment rental.  When gas prices make monthly fuel costs higher than your car note? When food and formula costs are increased due to a poor growing season and foul weather increases transportation costs?

People who provide a public service as their profession should receive similar benefits as those who work for the key industries in those cities.  Teachers, police officers, firefighters should be able to afford housing within the communities they serve and choose to raise their families. Teachers who take care of the children of an urban community should be able to have safe and well trained childcare for their children. Its simple. If you want well qualified, well trained, and committed teaching professionals, enable them to worry a little less so that they can be more present while they are nurturing the future of the city.  Hello Seattle!! There is more going on in middle Seattle then making Big Bertha dig a tunnel!

HELLO WORLD!

Hello World!

I am a new mom!  Not so unusual in a world of women and humanity. But it is new to me.  I’m usually fairly quiet about my life, unless its some sort of art project or production that I’m in. So I would have never thought that I would be one of those “mom bloggers”.  Then I came home from the hospital with this amazing little baby and a thousand questions about this new world I had walked into.  As the modern homebody that I am, I reached out to the internet looking for some mom’s like me. You know, the average college educated, over 35, Afro-American woman, first-time working mom, inter-racial newlywed.  And what did I find? Whispers of women like me, Vlogs on youtube by women who were a part of interracial couples. Unfortunately, they didn’t really reach out. Perhaps they forgot to make their Vlog private? I don’t know.  

I thought, “Oh My God, gurl! You’ve gone and done it again!” 

I’m standing here on a path less traveled and I am gonna have to make this map while I’m on the journey. So why a blog? Well, here I am 7 weeks into mommy hood and I want to document every minute. And, because while I may be rare, I hope to be a light in the window for someone else, and I hope that others might also reach out as well.  

I'll do my best to post my thoughts, experiences, resources and ideas.  I hope that others find me and share their resources and ideas. Maybe I'll get a youtube channel. Who knows? Its all a blessed journey!

Blessings!